easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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