My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
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