Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
