Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
