I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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