I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Randomize
