you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
