thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
