You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
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