Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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