So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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