I think I died a long time ago.
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
