"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
