It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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