just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
