i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
