I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
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he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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