His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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