why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
