I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
