It's like a parade of train wrecks.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
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