Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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