you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
