Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Randomize
