Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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