Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
