I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I wear drunk well.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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