I'm gonna have a badass scar
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Randomize
