nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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