Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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