Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
