How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
