Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
What a dumb baby whore.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
wow bdsm is so cute
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