I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I have feelings that need drinking.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize