Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
