Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
