So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
