i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I think my vagina is haunted
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
