Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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