If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
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