I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
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