I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
