Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
