My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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