I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
