My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
