That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.