Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.