the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize