Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
These 23 People Had Coworkers From Hell
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.