xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize