your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
