Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
