Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Randomize
