Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Randomize
