how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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