Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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