We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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