I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Randomize
