seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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