He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
