The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize