1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
