So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
