is your mom at the bar?
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
40s are totally the cure
Why can't burritos get me drunk
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
