Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
