Fuck appropriateness.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
