the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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