I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
