How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
