Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
