guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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